This just in, the Moonlight Grahams general manager, James Earl Jones has just announced the signing of a manager to helm the fledgling team. Jones stated, “As you all know, I am a bit out of my element here, but I do intend to do the best job I can. To do that, I have started to assemble a wide array of baseball talent around me, so the Grahams can look forward to a successful future.
“An integral part of that process is to bring in the best talent you can find to lead the team on the field, and the best I could do was longtime veteran coach and manager in the very independent leagues, Igor Trolla. Unfortunately, Igor isn’t here today, but is at our training facility, where he thought this announcement was to take place. I am sure he will be able to speak to all of you really soon.”
As luck (and the intentions of the author) would have it, our crack reporter Cubby Carpenter was at the Graham’s spring facility this morning and was able to land an interview with Trolla prior to the official announcement.
CC: So, Mister Trolla, is there any truth to the rumor that you are going to be taking over this team?
IT: Well, kid, I didn’t come to this godforsaken dusty diamond for my health. You would think with all the money those three have, they could at least hire one groundskeeper.
CC: OK then. But, if you don’t have a groundskeeper, who is that out in the outfield on the riding mower?
IT:, That’s Chris Codiroli, one of the first wave of players the team signed. He came right up to me and said he’d do anything to stay with this team. I had him throw for a few minutes and thought ‘Here’s the start of a groundcrew’.
CC: What made you think that?
IT: Well, a pitcher is supposed to throw strikes, right? This kid, the closest he came to the plate was the one he threw into the visiting dugout. Which reminds me.,we’re gonna have to replace that water cooler. He’s go a lotta heart tho’ so I couldn’t just show him the door. I offered him the grounds job and he let out this big yell, claiming to be the 1st person to make the team.
CC: Before I ask you about the other players you have in camp, why don’t you tell us a little about your experience?
IT: Well, I started out as a coach with the Richard Specs of the EBA Classic league. That’s one of the oldest of them , what is it? It has to do with cooking chicken on a spit… well, nevermind, let’s just say they were good. I hear they are back in business, but I was under contract at the time. It was a shame when they suspended operations. I think they still hold the record for most league championships.
CC: So where did you go from there?
IT: I went to manage for that typing school team, the Huntin’ Peckers. We were a contender every year. Of course, then they sold the team to that cigar company, the Henry Clay Cigar company. First thing they did was fire my butt. So I went to work for the Reykjavík Northern Lights. Other than the travel, that wasn’t a bad job. At least while it existed.
CC: What do you mean?
IT: Well, they left me behind on the last roadtrip of the season to scout the Tanstaafl SOBs, who were their first playoff opponent. But when I got back to Reykjavík, the team had disappeared.
CC: Disappeared?
IT: Yup, strangest thing. The bottom fell out of the Icelandic banking industry and the team vanishes. They didn’t even leave the stadium. Why, they even tore up the parking lot. It was like it never existed. Had to pay my way back home, too. So, by then, the puppet manager running the Clays was in trouble, so they hired me back as a bench coach.
CC: Why do you call him a puppet.
IT: Because he WAS. Had strings and everythin. Oh, I know, you’re on of those highbrow fellas. OK, marionette manager. Better?
CC: Moving on…..
IT: Well ,it wasn’t too long before they sold the team to the new Governor of New York, and they changed the name to the Spitzer Swallows. But, with the scandal, that name didn’t last long. Then it was sold again, this time to Shwinn, and another new name, the Blue Test Cycles. Well, by then I had had enough. I couldn’t remember who I was working for, so I quit, and found a job as batting coach for the Labrador City Ice Hats in the Newfoundland-Greenland league. Then this Jones fella calls and asks me to “Go the distance” or some foolishness, which I took to mean he was offering me a job. And here I am.
CC: Interesting career so far. So, tell me a little about the talent.
IT: Ain’t none. This lot is the sorriest pile of scrubs I’ve seen in my life.
Cc: Surely somebody can play a little bit here.
IT: You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Of course it isn’t ALL bad news. Betancourt can pitch a little bit, and so can Downing, just as long as nobody mentions Hank Aaron. Musta’ had a bad experience in that league. They tell me Spencer can hit, but so far all I see is batting practice power, Pouchie seems to be able to swing the bat, but the rest is questionable at best. I mean, Emil Verban? We cut him up in Labrador City, and this is supposed to be a better league? And Jim Thorpe? Can somebody tell him that meeting a King doesn’t make you one. When we start playing real games, he’s gonna have to lose that crown.
Chris Codiroli: Hey Skip! Strangest thing I ever saw out there?
IT: What is?
Codiroli: The bullpen. They’ve got fire retardant walls out there. And the scariest thing is all the singe marks behind the plates out there. ‘Course Villone took one look at it and said it looks like home.
IT: This could be a long season, kid. I just hope they pick up some real talent in next week’s draft.
Next time: Some draft picks start to arrive and some of the ‘filler’ starts to go home
